Five times Tony Stark felt like dying
by doubleblood
Summary: Whether suicide, or otherwise, Tony Stark has thought about his own death like any other person... except he's gotten much closer than most normal people.
1. Chapter 1

**They're short, so I'll do two at a time.**

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**1.)**

It was late. The guards at the door were drinking… And Tony?

Tony was curled up against Yinsen's chest, sobbing like a child.

"It's okay, Mister Stark… please, calm yourself, or the electromagnet will become overworked."

"God, this is my fault." Tony whimpered, "This is all my fault, if I hadn't followed my dad… I never wanted to be like him, I just wanted to help people! But I ended up killing the people I wanted to help… I'm worse than my father. I never wanted any of this… I shouldn't have ever done any of this…"

Yinsen rubbed Tony's back reassuringly, "Though I can't say you're wrong… I know that fretting the past will do you no good."

"God, I should just let them shoot me. If they shoot me, I can't cause any more harm."

Tony's eyes widened when he felt Yinsen clutch him, "No. Don't die yet. If you die now, they'll just find whoever's been giving them your weapons and get more. Because without you, there's nothing stopping whoever it is. We can stop them."

Tony wrapped his arms around the smaller man and sobbed himself to sleep.

**2.)**

He was already dying. Palladium poisoning, what the hell? He should've known this would happen, it was obvious! He was a genius, for crying out loud, he was supposed to know these things!

And Vanko… God damn it!

And then S.H.I.E.L.D. had to shove their noses in this…

He was losing. Losing what? His life, his company, his friends, his mind? He was losing everything.

He clutched at his lab table, heart pounding. The only reason he was alive was killing him.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

He looked over at his suits. How easy would it be to send a repulsor blast through his head?

Extremely.

How simply could he turn the blast to maximum capacity?

Overly.

How effortless could it be to let the blast go off at point-blank range?

Awfully.

The likelihood it would kill him?

Definite.

The likelihood someone would miss him?

Pfft. As if.

And that's what he did. He charged the suit, tightened the bolts on the arm to stay still, just at eye level, and remotely accessed the repulsors.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry I failed you all…"

"How ironic, Tony! Trying to rid the world of weapons, you gave it its best one ever! And now, I'm going to kill you with it!"

The words rang through Tony's head like a bell. His eyes shot open and he stared at the blue light in front of him.

He would not let Obidiah win.

He stood up and grabbed the box that Agent Coulson had shown up with.

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**Please review! I love hearing your opinions!**


	2. Chapter 2

**3.)**

_"Calling Pepper Potts."_

She didn't answer.

Of course she didn't answer.

There was a nuclear weapon on his back and his was about to fly through a magical portal into space.

What reason did she have to answer?

He was already shifting his weight through the suit, curving a better path to the portal. He was going to die. He knew it. He closed his eyes and could hear Yinsen cheering him on, telling him he was doing the right thing.

He could see Bruce's eyes, wide with shock and slight fear at Tony's reluctance to be afraid of the Hulk.

He could feel the hatred in Fury's eye when he found out the secrets he'd been keeping.

But when he opened them again, he saw the Hulk, watching as he flew on past and…

Good God, what was that look? Could a green rage monster actually look like that? It wasn't possible. He looked… sad. Upset. Anything except angry or pleased.

Someone was going to miss him.

And that was made Tony decide to try and make it back.

**4 .)**

There was an issue.

This was Avengers Tower; of course there was an issue.

Only this time it was something much worse than Thor eating almost everything, or Bruce getting irritated so much that his eyes turn green and he has to lock himself away in the Green Room for a few hours.

Steve had walked into Bruce and Tony's lab, looking for the doctor. Clint was upstairs, wanting to show him a new way he'd come up with to get him his pants after he'd Hulked.

What he found wasn't Doctor Banner.

Wires were strung about the room, connected to an array of small devices that looked like older versions of Tony's Arc Reactor. There were only three, and they weren't lit, but the wiring connected to them filled about half the room. He carefully knocked on the door once again, receiving no response. He felt like he should leave. This wasn't right; this was Tony's personal space.

"Tony?"

Since when did he care about Tony's personal space?

His eyes finally adjusted to the dark tint of the room, and he noticed something he hadn't before.

A low blue glow. It was hidden by something… which turned out to be Tony.

"Tony? What are you doing?"

The billionaire had taken out his Reactor.

"You know…" Tony smiled at the device, "If you were Bruce, you'd be yelling at me by now."

"What are you doing? Tony, put that back in. You're going to… Tony, you'll die. Put it back."

He shook his head, "I'm not sure it's worth it this time."

This time? He'd done this before?

Steve grabbed Tony by the shoulder, but the playboy didn't flinch. He just stood there, dull eyes staring at the glowing Reactor. Slowly, those eyes lidded shut and he began to cough slightly.

"Tony! JARVIS, call Bruce! Get him down here, now!"

No response came from the AI.

"Tony, Tony, put it back in."

He would do it himself, but he knew he would mess it up. This was a delicate device and if he put it in wrong, he could screw up everything.

"Sometimes…" Tony chuckled, "I just like to take it out…" a cough broke his sentence, "and wonder if it's worth it to put it back."

"Of course it's worth it, Tony. We need you. Without you we would fall apart. JARVIS!"

"Turned him off…"

Steve's eyes widened in fear. He shot to the door and shouted out names as loud as he could. God, why couldn't he be Thor? The god could easily shout for someone without ever actually shouting.

Tony was smiling… Jesus Christ, why the hell was he smiling?!

"Anthony Edward Stark, if you die on me, I swear, I am going to give every last nickel you have to S.H.I.E.L.D. and I'll sell JARVIS to a small college in Russia."

But Tony couldn't hear him. Not anymore. His senses were shutting down.

That's when bruce made his way in.

"Steve, what's all the sho- damn it, Tony…" he strode over and snatched the glowing blue device from the billionaire's hand, turning him around and flopping him over the desk. Immediately, he replaced the Reactor and pushed into it, activating it. It made a rather loud whirring noise, carefully pushing away at the shrapnel in Tony's chest.

The billionaire gasped, his eyes shooting open and landing on Bruce.

"… 's gonna put 't back…" he grumbled.

"Of course you were, Tony."

"Cap 'stracted me…"

Bruce shook his head, "You're going to sleep, and when you wake up, you're getting in your suit and joining me In the Green Room."

Steve paused, "What? Doctor Banner, are you-"

"I'm not going to kill him, Steve. It's a precaution." Bruce smiled, "I'm going to yell at him."

"Oh…" Steve smiled, "Mind if I watch?"

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	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter only has one story in it, since five is an odd number. But I'm posting it the same day as three and four, so I guess that makes up for it? I don't know. Hope you like!**

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**5.)**

"Tony, you don't want to do this!"

"But I _do_." Tony told Natasha, "I really do."

She shook her head, "I won't let you!"

"Too bad!" He spun, twisting his arm and flexing it. Her hands widened to account for the sudden change in the dimensions of his arm and he let the muscles relax, pulling his arm away. He immediately turned back around and ran.

No one chased him.

No one could. They were too afraid.

Bruce had Hulked.

They were at Tony's California home. Bruce had been watching crappy kid's shows with Natasha, Steve, and Clint in the living room. Thor wasn't there. He was back in New Mexico with Jane and Darcy, trying to find a way to help repair the Bifrost from Midgard.

Bruce's phone had rang. He had chuckled, expecting it to be Tony.

It hadn't been. It was General Ross.

Clint remembered how Bruce had shot to his feet, fist clenched, his grip on the cell phone dangerously tight. He'd yelled at the caller to leave him alone. He'd shouted for him to leave the Avengers out of everything, to just go back to whatever he did when he wasn't chasing the Hulk.

And by the looks of Tony's house, he hadn't gotten the answer he'd wanted.

He'd Hulked just after dropping the phone to the ground and shouting out for everyone to run.

Tony made his way through the rubble of the house, avoiding debris that fell, searching for his bracelets. If he could find his bracelets... nothing would happen. The Mark VII was back in New York. By the time it would get to him, he'd be dead.

So he switched tactics. He turned and made his way toward Hulk's screams.

"Hulk!" He shouted as loud as he could.

The green monster turned immediately, growling.

Tony waved his hands through the air.

"Yeah, I'm over here! Wanna hit a moving target?" Maybe if he let Hulk kill him, that look would never again come across his face. That look of anguish that seemed to haunt him. He could feel the weight of the bomb on his back every time he pictured it and it hurt.

Hulk snarled and ran at him.

Tony clenched his eyes shut and held his arms out wide, as if waiting for a hug. He could hear Hulk getting closer, and time seemed to slow.

He wanted to die at the hands of the Hulk. He wanted to show himself that he wasn't as impervious as he made himself think. He wanted to get pounded into the ground, he wanted to bleed. He wanted to watch as Hulk's fists slowly stained red and black filled his eyes.

But it never happened. A pair of arms linked around him and Hulk leaned forward, shielding Tony from the world.

"Ross not hurt Tony."

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**Please review! Reviews fuel Tony's Arc Reactor and keep the shrapnel away from his heart! 8D**


	4. Chapter 4

**And one time Tony definitely did not want to die.**

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"No! Get the hell away from me! Get the hell away from me!" He shot off a repulsor blast, but it took a toll on his body. With only a barely charged arm of his suit, he didn't stand much of a chance against the ten huge… what the hell were these guys, anyways? Kidnappers? Assassins? S.H.I.E.L.D. agents?

It didn't matter. All that really mattered right now was Bruce was drugged, Steve was bleeding, and there were a bunch of guys between them and safety.

Where the hell were the others when you need them?!

He turned and blasted at another of the ten guys before dropping down to his hands and swinging his legs, knocking two onto the ground before flipping back up and slamming his mechanized fist into the face of another.

That was a bad move. He'd exposed his back to three others, and every single one of them had a gun. Steve was too busy trying to help Bruce to notice, so he wasn't able to block with his shield… so the bullets that sunk into Tony's skin had absolutely no resistance.

He fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes, eyes wide in shock, no noise coming from his mouth. He couldn't scream, his throat had clenched up from the pain and he was barely able to get a breath in, much less let a noise out. He clenched his eyes shut and told himself to push through the pain. He had friends to defend. He was _not_ going to die. Not when Bruce and Steve were in danger.

"Tony!" Bruce shouted, trying to move to him. His muscles clenched up and he curled up on himself, the Hulk aching to get out, but unable even if Bruce wanted him to.

The billionaire chuckled internally at his own thoughts. They weren't going to kill Bruce and Steve. They had only incapacitated them before attacking him. They wanted Iron Man dead.

They weren't going to get it.

He pulled himself to his feet and held up his armored hand again, sending a blast that knocked him back towards Steve and Bruce. The doctor immediately grabbed him and held him steady, for which Tony was extremely grateful. It was be very painful to land on Captain America's shield with his injuries…

"Have at thee, villains!"

The sound of Thor's voice was the last thing Tony heard before blacking out.

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"Tony?"

The billionaire's eyes fluttered open, greeted by the sight of Doctor Bruce Banner.

"Bruce…" He smiled, "How'd I do?"

"You saved our lives." Steve told him from somewhere out of his field of vision, "How do you feel?"

"Perfect. I'm okay. In fact, I just-"

Bruce stopped him from sitting up with a hand to his chest, "Tony, we pulled seventeen bullets out of you. Trust me, I know, I helped. You aren't going anywhere until _I _clear you. Not Clint, not Thor, not JARVIS, definitely not you, but me."

"Seventeen?"

"Natasha's putting them on a necklace and hanging them on one of your Iron Man displays. I think the Mark V… not sure."

"That's nice… I might wear it some time." He chuckled for a second before curling slightly in pain, "Oh… bad idea…"

"Just imagine if you'd actually sat up." Steve stood, appearing on Tony's right, "I'll go tell the others that you're awake."

"For now… I think… I think I'm gonna take a nap. That cool with you? Yeah…"

Bruce smiled, "Sleep all you want, Tony."

Tony chuckled, "Bruce?"

"Yes?"

"You can stop stroking the Arc Reactor…"

"Oh! Sorry!" Bruce pulled his hand back, "I didn't…"

"When I get better… I'll let you look at it. I'll take it out and show you how it works. Can't go for too long, though. It's keeping me alive, after all."

Bruce chuckled, "And we like you alive, Tony. We really do."

Tony decided to sleep on the question as to whether Bruce meant 'we' as in the Avengers… or 'we' as in Bruce and Hulk.

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**Sorry it took a while to post, but here it is! I hope you liked it! **

**Thanks to: TheOtherGuyHulk, .rain, LoViNgXtWiLiGhTxoxo, WhokilledCockRobin, reckless is a wreck, Demon Enma, and Horizon Gus Watson for reviewing!**

**To everyone who did not review: You are all not very nice people. You would let Tony die?! D8**

**Here, if you review this chapter, you'll not only save Tony's life, but the Hulk will tap dance with Steve. Who doesn't want to see Hulk and Steve tap dancing together? I think it'd be adorable.**


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